blogging is addictive...

Hey guys

so you may have noticed that i've been blogging a lot more frequently, and i think the only reasons for that is that my life is seriously boring at the moment!! Im spending every moment of my free time because in pretty  much every lesson except for PE im expected to get at least a level 8c (8a is th highest you can get at my age) and ive been working my little mismatched socks off!!! Also my arts award needs to be finished for the end of november, so ive been doing a lot of work on that at the minute.

Im in a hugely good at the minute, which is probably helped by me currently listening to nevershoutnever (chris drew) and stephen jerzak at the moment [if you havent heard either of them, i strongly recomend you do, theyre both amazing] and you just cant be sad with this kind of.

On thursday i have to teach a bunch of year 7 + 8 kids how to draw anime for my arts award, and im dreading it!!! im scared i will go wrong and totally make a fool mof myself!!!

This may sound compleatly over dramatic, but over the past week i have totally re-evaluated my life.
Latley my goals have been to impress the guy I like, and try to make an imact, but ive been neglecting other things. One thing i know ive been neglecting is my health. I went though a stage of thinking "ah screw it, im gonna eat what I like, I wont get fat" and so thats what I did. I was avoiding all the things i needed, and it wasnt good for me. I didnt exactly turn 'fat' but i had deffinitly filled out a bit, and that scared me. I mean, if my laziness has caused be to slightly put on weight, what else could it do? I dont want to be lazy and get fat, unhealthy and fall behind in my work. So ive sort had a re-evaluate. And dont panic, im not going on some crash diet thats gonna turn me anorexic or anything, I just think im gonna cut down on the chocoalte and eat more fruit. I have found out that I love apples... weird I know!!!

Also, all I wanted to do before was get the guy I like to like me back, and I just wanted people to be like "woah, shes made such an imact, shes so original and different" but i've realised their not good goals to have. There's plenty of time for being heartbroken in the future, I should just enjoy where I am now. I have awome friends, and great family, and so many things, like music, that can help me through things im hurting over, I dont need some testosterone filled boy to make me happy. And I know im never gonna get the guy I like, ebcause he's wayh out of my league and he is in love with someone else. Also, the whole making an impact by being different thing is stupid. I realised how much of a hypocrit ive been.

In a past blog I talked about how I hate stereo types and how bad they are, and yet here i was, trying to fit to a stereo type so that I could make an impact by being different. If your trying to fit a stereo type then your not being different!!! If you strive to be an 'emo' or a 'scene kid' then your obviously not one. If you have to change yourself to fit someone elses rules on an image, then its not worth it.

Im not perfect, no one is. Im not the girl with the designer clothes, or the big boobs. My hair doesnt always fall perfectly, I make mistakes and some days im a mess, inside and out. But all my little flaws, my quirks and even my mistakes, without them id just be another clone, a sheep following the crowd. And thats not who UI want to be. All the problems that I have build up to make who I am. They mingle with my good qualities and thats what makes me. If i try and get rid of all of those things, weather its with pretending im someone im not, or trying to hide then with makeup and hairspray, then im not gonna be who I am. I dont want all of those things to be taken away from me. If someone said to me "take this drug and it will make you compleatly perfect" then id say "no thanks" because I dont want to be perfect. I enjopy being a freak, I love being odd, I love not fitting in, because id rather be me and not fit in, than pretend to be someone else and fit in. Im not perfect, but thats fine, ebcause I dont expect anyone else to be perfect either. Im not looking for a 'perfect guy'. Im just looking for someone who will love me for who i am, and love all of my imperfections. Perfect is no fun to be honest.

Ive always been dsrawn to things with history, even if its dark. I dont want some who is 2D and predictable. I want someone REAL!  someone who isnt afraid to vbe themselves. No one is perfect every day, everyone has bad days, and you just have to embrace them because you never know who could be falling in love with you, for who you are.

A lopt of girls my age get into relationships with boys and if you ask them why they are going out withn someone they will say "because he's fit". I'll never understand that. When someone says that i just want to scream "SO WHAT?!" i mean, yeah a guy might be 'fit'... but to be, all that doesnt matter. I want someone who has a great personality, a person who I can trust, and someone who loves me for who I am. I would never go out with a guy just because he was 'fit'. Whats the point of going out with a six-pack on legs if he has all the personality of a bedside lamp!!! Whats the point of being someone 'fit' if they bore you to tears?! thats the thing i'll never understand. I like things that are beaten, worn, things that have a bit of dirt on them. Theyre the fun ones, the ones with character.

Im really rambling arent i? I just really have had a total epiphany and i needed somewhere to write about it, and unfortunatly, you guys are stuck with it :P
Maybe this has helped/interested you... i dont know, but this feels good for me, to actually get everythiong out.

Loves

-DangerDays_

xxx